A lot of things have changed since I last posted.

I enrolled in cosmetology school, and my life is pretty much consumed with that. (When you go to sleep at night and dream about perms and fingerwaves, you know you have a problem.) I’ve never experienced anything like this before, though. Never in my life have I been able to see myself doing any one certain thing for the rest of my life until now. With this, I look at it as my craft. My calling. My passion, if you will. I don’t see myself as ‘just a hairdresser’; when someone asks me what I do, I usually half-jokingly say “I make people beautiful.”

I moved to the capitol city. “The Gump”, as they call it around here. I have to be honest, this new chapter in my life wasn’t all sunshine and roses. I started out very excited… I had my own place all to myself, living in the big city, decorating everything the way I wanted to… But then after I got settled in, the reality hit: I was alone. I couldn’t just drive five minutes up the road to see my friends, I didn’t have any family close by, and the friends I had at school all had families to attend to. It took a while to adjust to just being by myself, and even now I still get lonely. I’m slowly adjusting though, and I’ve found ways to keep myself occupied enough to not notice my lack of human interaction. (Thank god for Netflix and long naps.)

I’m in a relationship now. A pretty damn great one, at that. As you may or may not know, I’m a closet-southern belle, born and raised in the deep south on a farm…. And now I’ve, to quote my father, “done went and got yer’self a yankee feller!” We make an awesome pair, mainly because he’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met, and I find that all of my happiness starts with him.

So yeah… That’s what’s been going on down in my neck of the woods!

Moving on to business (sort of):

I feel awful for neglecting Pangela.com for so long, but the truth is, I had sort of hit a road block there for a while: I didn’t know what the heck I wanted to do with this site! At first I was using it as an inspirational blog of some sorts, but that fell through. Then I was using it to post some of my writing… But then that fell through. I’m sure any writer can tell you that the number one question that runs through their mind is “What do I write?”

So here’s what I’ve decided for the time being: I’m just going to write. No guidelines, no themes, no pressure… Just me.

For those of you that have been sticking around and encouraging me to pick this back up… Thank you.

And to those of you that gave up on ol’Pangela over here… You suck. Hahahaa…jusssst kidding.

And to those of you that are completely new to my site… Welcome!! I hope each and every one of you come on in and sit a spell… We’re all friends here.

Until next time, my lovelies. (:

Before we get the questions underway, why don’t you introduce yourself to everyone? Tell us…. who is Chrisselle Seasidh Mowatt?

Chrisselle Seasaidh Mowatt, eh?

Well… she never gets referred to that anyway! I don’t know how to introduce myself. I always end up saying too much and boring the person.. Or not saying enough and coming across as a boring person! So let’s keep it short and sweet.

I’m Chrisselle, a 19 year old geek from Scotland. I blog, write lyrics and take photographs… and in my spare time, I eat pizza and play video games. I live such an eventful life! Oh… And I’m extremely sarcastic at times.

What exactly is Don’t Lose Your Grip?

Don’t Lose Your Grip is a project to help promote self-belief. Unlike many body confidence campaigns we’re not just targeting a select audience; We want everyone to get involved, regardless of age, sex, size, race or religion. Slogans like “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” and “Real women have curves” are both quite insulting. Why should only women with curves be seen as “real”? Since when did we start comparing feelings to tastes?

It’s to show people that you don’t have to be someone famous or media ‘perfect’ to make a difference, it’s to inspire people to believe in who they are.

How are you going to promote what your campaign represents?

We’re going to promote it by holding a fashion show and charity concert in Liverpool, UK. The twist is that it will be completely different to other fashion shows. This show will represent everything that people are too afraid to speak about, the people taking part are real-life inspirational people from all different backgrounds; They’re all incredibly wonderful people whom I can’t wait for the public to get to know!

So these are going to be just regular people who are your models? If someone was interested in working with you in your show, what would the requirements be, and what would they need to do?

Yep, your everyday person. Why? Because every person deserves to be put in the limelight; they all have wonderful stories about how they became the person they are today, and that’s what inspires me.  The fact that they’re still here wanting to make the world a better place for future generations.

They could simply email me at me@chrisselle.com and get all the details there. No requirements apart from the willingness to travel to Liverpool.

What would they be modeling?

They would be modeling my own designs; I’m hoping to come up with some designs that flatter each person’s unique body shape. I’m also hoping to get my mother involved with the development stage! She may not know how to switch a computer on, but she sure knows her way around a sewing machine!

This all sounds so wonderful! Tell me, how did you come up with the idea for all of this? Did you have anyone that was sort of your inspiration?

Thank you!

I’ve had many inspirations. One being P!nk, who inspires me every single day to be who I want to be and not let anyone tell me that it’s not acceptable. I have my wonderful friends who love me for who I am. My boyfriend, who somehow manages to make me feel like the prettiest girl in the world with no make-up on, wearing sweats and my hair tied back. And I have the thousands of people out there just looking for somewhere to get their voices heard.

The whole project, though, is in memory of a close friend that took her life in November, Lacey Crawford.

If someone wanted to stay up-to-date with the Don’t Lose Your Grip campaign, what should they do?

They should follow us on Twitter (@dontloseurgrip), check out the main site at http://www.dontloseyourgrip.chrisselle.com, or ‘like’ us on Facebook by searching “Don’t Lose Your Grip.”

Well, thank you so much for allowing me to interview you today! I look forward to seeing the progress you make with this wonderful campaign, and I hope your message is spread like wildfire! Anything else you would like to say?

Many thanks for having me, it’s been wonderful chatting with you as always! Not especially, just that if people would like to get in touch, or if they know anyone that could benefit from hearing from us, let us know!

In closing, I’d like for you to give those out there struggling with poor body image a word of advice.

The first thing to understand is that every single person out there has a different body. Your body should never hold you back. The people that love you, love you for the person you are and the effect you have on their life. Remember to live your life. Everyone is far too worried about how they look to even notice that your skirt doesn’t match your shoes or that your hair isn’t sitting quite right. At the end of the day, you’re perfect to the people that love you, no matter your physical appearance. Much love.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I’d also like to thank Chrisselle once more for allowing me to interview her, but most of all for putting together this life-changing campaign. Go check out the Don’t Lose Your Grip website today, and start loving yourself!

[Verse 1]

My heart is empty, but my mind is racin’

Part of me’s missing, and after it I’m chasin’

I lost myself when I pushed you away.

I’ve cried, begged, shouted…

and now there’s only one thing left to say…

[Chorus]

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done

but most of all, all the times I’ve hurt.

There are friends that make my life whole

and I’ve lost the very best one.

[Verse 2]

Making wishes for that day to come again

You’ll look at me, talk to me, call me a friend.

I miss you, I wish for you, and I love you still.

I really just want to apologize,

but how many times can you say…

[Chorus]

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done

but most of all, all the times I’ve hurt.

There are friends that make my life whole

and I’ve lost the very best one.

[Bridge]

I’ve cried more than I should,

and I don’t think you’ll ever know

how much my heart has been breaking

so with this, I’ll let my true feelings show.

How many times can you say ‘sorry’

before it loses all meaning?

Pushing all logic aside

Nothing to prove, nothing to hide

This is me.

And…

[Chorus x 2]

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done

but most of all, all the times I’ve hurt.

There are friends that make my life whole

and I’ve lost the very best one.

I’m sorry…

I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done

but most of all, all the times I’ve hurt.

There are friends that make my life whole

and I’ve lost the very best one.

You’re the very best one…

I almost feel guilty posting this blog up, because it’s so short.

I hung out with friends for a while, smoked some hookah, and listened to music…

But mostly, I’ve just been in a super good mood. Very chill. I’ve had a lot of happy thoughts running about in my mind today, and I’m looking forward to the future.

On a side note, this song spoke to me a lot earlier, and I encourage you to check it out.
by Natasha Bedingsfield.

Strip Me by Natasha Bedingsfield.

Everyday I fight for all my future somethings
A thousand little wars I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows and coming home empty

And if you strip me, strip it all away
If you strip me, what would you find
If you strip me, strip it all away
I’ll be alright

Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I’ll just scream
I’m only one voice in a million
But you ain’t taking that from me (oh ooh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that!

I don’t need a microphone yeah
To say what I’ve been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
That’s always on eleven

And if you strip me, strip it all away
If you strip me, what would you find
If you strip me, strip it all away
I’m still the same

Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I’ll just scream
I’m only one voice in a million
But you ain’t taking that from me (oh ooh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that!

Cause when it all boils down at the end of the day
It’s what you do and say that makes you who you are
Makes you think about, think about it doesn’t it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice

Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I’ll just scream
I’m only one voice in a million
But you ain’t taking that from me (oh ooh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain’t taking that!

Today was one of them.

For the past few months, my paternal grandfather’s health has been declining.  He’s getting on up there in age, as he was born in 1929, but he’s always been very active. A few months ago he was rushed to the hospital after having a complete blockage in his carotid artery, and ever since then, he just hasn’t fully recovered. Earlier this week, my aunts took him to the doctor, because he hadn’t been acting his usual self. After running several tests and meeting with his GP and a specialist, they believe he’s in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. My maternal grandfather, who passed away in 2001, had Alzheimer’s as well, and the last few months he was alive, I remember going into his room to visit him and he wouldn’t know who I was at all. That’s a hard thing for a young girl to understand, and it really hurt. Now that I’m older, I hope to have a better understanding of the disease, but it’s still not going to be easy. I’ve always been close to my grandpa, and I hope I never have to see him when he’s not lucid, but I know that’s not anything someone can promise me.

Along with my grandpa, I’ve always been very close to my aunts. My father was a truck driver for the first few years of my life, and my mother was never really around, so it was them who took care of me the majority of the time. They got me ready for school in the morning, helped me with my homework… and then later on in my life, they served as the “mother figures” up until my father married Kim in 2003. Even now, with me knocking on the door of being 20 years old, they’re still the ones that support me. My rent, phone bill, insurance, car payment, and other necessities are all payed by my Aunt Deborah, Aunt Wanda, and Aunt Rachel. I try to help them out whenever I can, because they’ve always been there for me. For instance, this weekend my Aunt Deborah needed me to drive her to Milton, FL because her eyes had been bothering her. I didn’t think too much of it, chalking it up to allergies, and agreed to drive her.

This morning my Aunt Lois called me around 7 am and left me a message to call her back. I, being a hardcore insomniac, had just started to drift off, so I called her back immediately. She then told me the news about my grandpa. I was upset, and talked to her for a few minutes about it, but then told her “Alright Aunt Lois, I’m tired, so I’ll call you back in a few hours and you can tell me more when I’m a little more awake.” She said “Wait… there’s something else I’ve got to tell you.” She then told me that the day before my Aunt Deborah woke up to find that she was blind. She couldn’t see anything out of either of her eyes, and her left eye had a blood vessel in it that had burst. It was pouring blood, so they took her to the hospital immediately. They don’t know what caused this to happen, so they set her up an appointment for Thursday with a specialist in Pensacola, FL.

I am so scared for both of them. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I lost either of them… or if my aunt loses her sight permanently. She’s a nurse, and has been for several decades. I’m scared to know what’s going to happen… but most of all, I’m upset because there’s nothing I can do to help either of them.

I stayed in bed most of the day, because I was pretty upset. I got up finally to go watch American Idol with my friends and eat dinner. Shortly after that I told them what was going on. They, of course being the awesome people they are, offered me words of love and support which made me feel a lot better. I also told my friend Eric, and although he lives over a thousand miles away, he still showed me the same amount of support they did.

So that’s what I’m grateful for today: great friends. These guys love me even when I’m not the most fun to be around or talk to. They know I come with hardships and sadness, and they keep me around for more than just comedic relief.  So, I challenge everyone to hug your friends a little bit longer when they’re having a down day. Call them and listen to them talk for a while. Or just text them a little reminder saying “Hey, I’m thinking about you and I love you!” You will never know how much of a difference it could make in their day.

Last night we decided to watch the recordings of our high school band concerts. The group of friends I hang out with here in Troy are all people I went to high school with, and we also were in the band together for years and years. So watching those tapes brought back many memories of the best times of my life. Band was such a big part of me, and the people I had it with were more like family than anything else. I went to a District 3A school, so we had a fair amount of people in attendance, but I hardly stay in contact with anyone from my graduating class. The people from band, however, are the ones I will always hold near and dear to my heart.

If you’re reading this and you’re still in middle school or high school, I encourage you to sign up for a school activity, whether it be band, football, chess team, whatever… I can almost guarantee that years down the road, you will look back fondly and cherish the memories that were formed between you and your friends.

Although it made me feel a tinge of sadness because I miss it so much, reliving our “glory days” together was definitely the highlight of the day for me.

So, I’ve decided that I would post a blog each day for 31 days about something, anything, that made me happy.  Maybe if I put my life out there for you guys to read, you can see how even on the crappiest of days there’s something to be happy or grateful for. It may not always be the easiest of things to do, but that’s part of the challenge.

Today is February 14th. The day that is loved by some, hated by many, and is known to most of the world as Valentine’s Day. For the past few years it has been more of a “Singleness Awareness Day” for me, and it’s usually full of  whining, sappy movies, and all around lameness. This year I was expecting the same festivities to occur, and had even lined up my tear-jerkers for the night.

Sunday night, my three best friends came over and we hung out for a while. We hadn’t seen each other for a few days, so it was nice catching up and just having a very relaxed evening.  We sat around the table in my apartment talking, laughing, drinking, and eating fast food and chocolate. Before we knew it, it was past 1 AM, and they needed to go home. We all hugged, and they left to their respective homes. I went to bed with a smile on my face, because I had saw in the dreaded day with three people that I love dearly. I slept for a long time, because I didn’t have any real reason to wake up early, and immediately began talking to my other best friend, Chrisselle. We had a nice girly-time chat that was long over-due, and geeked out about Mario.

Now it’s 7:35 PM, and I’m sitting alone in my room, wearing pajamas, with a pizza. I have Netflix up and running, and I have zero plans on going anywhere else tonight.

You know, this year I may not have a dozen roses in the corner of my room to gaze at, a box of chocolates to pinch so I can see the flavors, or a Valentine to speak of… but I do have plenty of people in my life that love me, and I am happy. Remember that you don’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend to make yourself complete; you’re absolutely INCREDIBLE just being you! And to those of you that do have a special someone, remember to tell them EVERY day what they mean to you, and don’t make it just a once-a-year thing.

So, y’all have a wonderful night. I have a pizza calling my name, and she is an impatient lover…

I don’t think that it’s necessary for us to know every single detail about a person. For instance, you look at a crayon and you may not know the ingredients that make it up, but you do know that it’s red, an inch or two long, and slightly chipped on one end. But what if you found out you were wrong, and it wasn’t red after all? Would it still be the same thing at that point? If we know a person, and what we think is an integral part of who they are changes, we feel as if they’ve changed COMPLETELY. Have they, though? It’s still a crayon, after all. You look at the core ingredients, and they’re still exactly the same.

I think we focus on what we don’t know too much in this life. We all walk around wearing masks, everyday of our life. When someone finally has enough courage to remove theirs for you, don’t judge them for what you see.

Try as we might, we will never know every single detail about a person, but is that such a bad thing?
What’s life without a little mystery and a few surprises?

2010 was the year of lessons for me.

I discovered what I am passionate about and want to do with my life.  I began my time at Troy University double majoring in music and secondary education. As time passed, I found myself looking to the future and not seeing past my college life. Deciding what I wanted to do with myself appropriated a lot of soul searching. Music has always been my sustenance, my source of vitality; I knew that I couldn’t tarnish what it was to me by forcing myself to ‘study’ it in school. I decided that a career in cosmetology is where my future lies. It will enable me to express my creativity, and at the same time, make people feel good about themselves. I hope to be able to show my clients that makeup doesn’t make you prettier, it accentuates the beauty that is already there, and that everyone is gorgeous in their own right.

I fell in love, and gave my heart to someone who just wasn’t ready give theirs back. This person completely enchanted me, and I had every intention of traveling a million miles for him if I had to, and he felt the same for me. Time went by, and the emotional distance between us proved to be far more vast than the physical. I did what I thought was best, and ended things before I got hurt, only to realize that I didn’t want things to be over at all. My realization was too late, and I lost an amazing person and friend from my life. I had never broken up with anyone before, and I wasn’t prepared for the heartache that came with it. Mothers used to throw their children in the water at a young age, forcing them to rely on their natural instincts and learn to either sink or swim. I was faced with the same situation: I tossed myself out into the dark unknown, stripping myself of everything but the basic instincts we’re born with. The first few weeks were the hardest, and I flailed around hopelessly in the water, struggling to stay afloat. With the help of friends, I regained confidence in myself and began to float. It’s been almost five months now since we broke up, and although I haven’t made it to the shore–the point where I’m completely better–I’m in the shallow waters, and I can stand on my own two feet. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that I’m sorry for breaking your heart, and I want to thank you for taking up such a big part of mine for so long. You will always have a place there. You reminded me what it felt like to be in love… you reminded me how much I could feel… but most importantly, you reminded me that I am strong. Even when my heart felt like it was shattered into pieces, I was able to hold myself together and get through it.

I discovered who my true friends are, and the people that would always be in my life no matter what. There are a few people that have been there for a long time, and they’ve proved to me that they’re not going anywhere. Their love is integral to my existence, and I am so blessed to have had them in my life for as long as I have. Jeremy, Michael, Hillary, and Hope have been my rocks. Many different things that happened in these past few years have been made easier just because they were there with a shoulder, a few kind words, and an open heart. They’re no longer just friends to me, but my family. My hope for better days ahead. I wish there was more I could say about them, but words can’t describe what they mean to me. I want each of you to know that y’all mean the world to me, and I plan on extending the same kindnesses to you guys for the rest of my life.

It’s amazing when you find people and within instants you know that they’re going to be a giant part of your life forever. That’s a feeling I became very familiar with this year.

Ray, this year has had its ups and downs for us, but no matter what, you were there for me when I truly needed you. As corny as it may sound, we’re like two sides of a coin: completely different and exactly the same simultaneously. I only hope that things will start looking up for you soon, and you can rest comfortably knowing that you are secure, healthy, and loved. You deserve so much out of this life, and I’m going to make sure that you’re never alone in this ever again. At the end of the day, please remember that you do deserve an amazing life, and that I love you unconditionally.

Eric, if someone would have described you to me, I wouldn’t have believed for one second that a person as awesome as you actually existed. You’re the one person I want to talk to when times are tough, because I know you’ll be able to say exactly the right thing. You make me laugh louder and smile longer than any other person. I’m pretty sure it’s medically impossible to have a heart as big as yours seems at times. Life has thrown you some pretty stiff punches, but you’ve rolled with them, and grew as a person along the way. Nothing anyone could say would change my mind about you, and although sometimes human nature makes me think you’re too good to be true,   I just have to pinch myself and get over it, because I believe in you with all of my heart.

Later this year, a very special thing happens: I get to hug my two best friends for the first time. Hammy and Chrisselle are making their way to Alabama and I finally get to experience their awesomeness in the flesh. These two people, although they live over four thousand miles away, have been there for me more times than I can count. I wrote about them before, and you can read that by going here if you’d like, but to sum it up, I would lay down my life for these two. They are the thread that keep me together most days. You guys are so wonderful, and every day that you’re in my life, I become a better person. You’ve taught me more than you’ll ever know,  and you love me no matter what. The day that I stop showing you two how grateful I am for that is the day they spread my ashes.

To Tom, Sami, Angela, Colum, Brutal,  Anna, Alexia, Kathryn, Kayleigh, Cait, and Jess: If you guys only knew how incredible you are. Every laugh, smile, cry, memory we’ve ever shared…every kind word you’ve ever given me, it has made such an impact on my life. I wish I could snap my fingers and make every dream of yours come true, because you deserve it. To quote an old song, “You’re beautiful, just the way you are. And I love it all…every line and every scar. And I wish that I could make you see…” I know that some days you might not feel like you’re worth a whole lot, but I promise you that you are. You’ve made a difference in my life just by being yourselves. Please don’t ever change. Don’t ever deny yourselves happiness. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being some of the best friends a person could ask for.

The most important lesson I learned this year though, was to believe in myself.  Throughout all of the things I’ve mentioned and the things I’ve kept to myself, I was able to make it. I survived; 2010 was not the end of me. I love myself a little more than I used to, and that’s because of every one of you encouraging me… giving me the strength to look in the mirror and say “Angela, you’re going to be okay.”

This year I intend on living my life a little more instead of worrying about the mistakes I’m destined to make; I’ll learn from them and grow. I’m going to laugh a little more, cry a little less, and shower those around me with love every second. I’m asking each and every one of you to join me, and grab 2011 by the balls. Show it who’s boss!

Make sure that every day you mark off on your calendar is a lesson learned.

We are strong, beautiful, and wiser with each day.

This post is dedicated to Lacey Crawford, a close friend of mine that left us this past year. A beautiful woman blessed with an amazing talent, who felt as if the world forgot her. If you feel as if you have only one choice, and that’s to take your own life, talk to someone. Get help. Feel free to reach me on any of the sites mentioned on my Networks page; I’m here for you guys. Remember, you mean the world to someone. Don’t take that gift away from them, and don’t take the gift of life away from yourself.
Love, Angela

I don’t know when I’ll get any of these, as funds are low at the moment. I may change my mind later on down the road, and decide I want a modified version of these ideas… who knows? But for now, this is what I plan on getting.

I’ve wanted a foot tattoo for a long time, and I also wanted to get sort of a memorial for my stepmother Kim. I thought about it for a long time, and I finally decided I would get a quill going up the outside of my right ankle, followed by “Write your own story…” in her handwriting going along the arch of my foot. She was the first person in my family to tell me that it was okay to be myself and that only I could decide who I would become.

Here is the type of quill I want, and the placement of the text:

I also want to get a larger piece, that I will have to wait quite a while longer to get, on my back. I want to get a large, antique birdcage on my back, spanning from the top of my lower back to just below my bra line. I want it to be of intricate design and very worn looking. A single feather should be on the floor of the open cage, and there should be a mocking bird in flight on my right shoulder with a locket hanging from its beak.

All of this is very symbolic, and it will probably all sound very emoish to you, but here you go. The empty cage and the bird in flight represents me finally being able to break free from my family and their crippling restraints. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be who I am, and not who they want me to be, like some pet. I chose the mocking bird, because when I was a young girl my father and uncles used to shoot them because they were so “noisy” and made nests everywhere. The “noise” was just them singing, and being happy. So yeah, I guess that’s sort of self explanatory. The locket is just sort of to tie in the other tattoo I already have on my back, which is Amor Vincit Omnia, or “Love Conquers All” in Latin. It also makes a lot of sense, because mockingbirds are notorious for snatching up shiny items.

The type of cage, bird, and locket I had in mind:

And my newest idea has sort of a simple concept, and I’m not too sure on the placement just yet…

My whole life I’ve wanted to move away from the south, and although that’s still tempting, I’ve learned to appreciate my upbringing a lot more. No matter where I go, I’ll always be an Alabama girl at heart, and I’ll always remember to treat everyone with that southern hospitality I’ve been surrounded by my whole life.

I really want to get either a camellia blossom, which is the state flower of Alabama, or a magnolia blossom somewhere. The camellia is self-explanatory, and the magnolia is a traditional southern flower… but it also represents one of mine and Kim’s favorite movies “Steel Magnolias”. If you’re not familiar with the movie, you can read the plot summary here. The basic idea of the movie is southern women bonding together and helping their friends through laughs, love, and tragedy. Being beautiful and strong all at the same time. Yeah.

Here are both flowers (camellia pictured first, magnolia second) :

And there you have it! Any questions are welcome and feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you. <3